You know your therapist likes you, right?

Happy Friday!

I know, I’m supposed to be on vacation, right? Shout out to my clients calling me out for checking in on them while I’m supposed to be off.

One of the nice things about taking time off, is being able to follow inspired action -my favorite action to take! And this post has been inspired by this funny meme.

No, you don’t get a grade in therapy. But if you really want to know how you are doing - just ask!

It’s fun to review your progress during your time together and it could possibly give you insight into what you are doing that is helping that you aren’t giving yourself credit for and potential obstacles and ways you get in your own way you don’t even notice.

I have many clients tell me they feel the need to impress me, be worth my time, and also apologize for using my time (coughTHEIR TIMEendcough), for their problems when they think others have it worse. This is normal. It is normal to want to be your therapist’s “favorite” or “most normal” or... whatever.

(PS - if you are my client and you think I am calling you out personally, I am not - this is a common theme)

Personally, I believe everyone can benefit from therapy. Every single one of us has a past, has some sort of trauma, and has obstacles and struggles. We all have things that we keep private that we want to talk about. Why? Because we are human.

So I want to put your mind at ease: what you struggle with is relevant and valid. And your therapist likes you.

Seriously!

In my time as a therapist, I have worked with children in foster care -children who I have been warned about, who have been referred to therapy for anger issues, running away, truancy, violence. I have worked with parents who are the reason for their children being involved In care. And I have loved every one. Even the “difficult” ones.

Why?

Because behind every child’s “bad” behavior and every resistant, angry-at-the-system parents is a story, a wound. Behind every client is a struggle

When you learn someone’s story, it is hard not to love them.

Clients also struggle with their level of attachment with their therapist. Are they too attached? Not attached enough? Sometimes they feel bad for feeling like they need their therapist.

Which also, I get! But it isn’t a bad thing to have a good bond with your therapist. One of the best indicators for positive change in therapy is in fact the strength of your relationship with your counselor -do you like your counselor? Trust them? Value what they have to say? Look forward to your sessions?

Sometimes, you just don’t mesh with your counselor. That’s okay too. Finding the right counselor for you can be like finding the right friend or partner -sometimes you find a good one who is right for you at the time and eventually outgrow each other or life takes you in different directions, sometimes you just don’t mesh, and every once in a while, you find that one that is really special.

Another tip I have for you is to process your feelings about your counselor with your counselor (even if you feel they are not a good fit for you). Yes - you can do this! In fact, I encourage it.

I like to check in with my clients - about how they are feeling about our relationship, their time in therapy, if there’s anything they would like to work on, add, take away, etc. But also, you can do this too. Yes even if there is something you need to get off your chest -maybe your counselor said something that you didn’t like, maybe you want a worksheet, maybe you don’t like the worksheet... Keep in mind, this is YOUR time.

Your counselor is there for you and not there to take things personally. It is kind to worry about how your counselor feels, and also know it is your counselor’s responsibility to keep in the here and now with you and if their feelings get hurt, it is their job to process that with their counselor (yes, counselors have counselors too!) or colleagues (don’t worry - information stays confidential).

This is YOUR time. Allow yourself to be selfish with it.

Allowing yourself to be selfish or allowing yourself to process your relationship with your counselor can be good practice for you too, if you struggle with doing things for yourself or with being assertive. Hey! Look at that, therapeutic on multiple levels, eh?!

And just remember - your counselor is quite fond of you.