“Five more minutes!” “But, moooom!” …...Did your stress levels just increase reading that? If you are a caregiver, probably so. You probably could even hear your little one’s voice in your head in their adorable (but sometimes, not so adorable) whining voice. I get it; you set the expectation, you have other things to do, the children need to be learning, and by golly they need to listen when you say time’s up! Sigh. While, yes, setting consistent expectations and boundaries is important, what if I told you that increased playtime can actually benefit your child’s wellbeing, even in ways that just might make your job as a parent a little bit easier? If you think I sound crazy and brush this off as soft parenting nonsense that will spoil your child, just hear me out.
Yes, I want your child to have fun, but I am on your side. After spending over half of my life in childcare working in both public education and private settings, earning my Master’s Degree, Specialist Clinical Social Worker License, and Registered Play Therapist credentials, I have spent my entire educational and professional career specializing in helping children and families to overcome struggles to function in a healthier and happier manner. After seeing the same patterns over and over again, I can tell you with confidence that playful children tend to be happier children and more well-adjusted children. Does that mean that five extra minutes of playtime is going to guarantee your child’s problems will all be solved? Of course not. But, there is evidence to show that play enhances a multitude of factors in a child and family’s well being.
The Powers of Play
I could talk to you for hours about how wonderful I think play is for children, but you’re here for the facts. So let’s dive in! Charles E. Schaefer, psychology professor and cofounder of the Association of Play Therapy, and Athena A. Drewes, children’s non-profit director and past director of the Association of Play Therapy, wonderfully captured the true power of play in their book, “The Therapeutic Powers of Play: 20 Core Agents of Change.” They write about how play, what we adults sometimes see as silly and frivolous, can actually be an evidenced-based and proven method to bring about real positive changes to children and their families. Some of these changes can include things like increased self-confidence, more independence, and a stronger ability to follow directions (Schaefer & Drewes, 2014). In a clinical setting, we use play to help children process and overcome a multitude of issues, including those listed above, as well as deep struggles such as severe trauma. Play therapy can be a critical part of effective child behavioral therapy. At home, you can make positive changes too. According to Schaefer and Drewews, the following benefits are the 4 major powers of play- how play can shape your child’s life.
Facilitates Communication
Fosters Emotional Wellness
Enhances Social Relationships
Increases Personal Strengths
If those four benefits sound like a Christmas morning miracle, I have even better news. Each of those 4 benefits are an umbrella power with expansive benefits included in each. Let’s dig a little deeper.
1. Facilitates Communication: This power of play helps children to better recognize what is going on inside of and around them, and to communicate their needs. This means that the child who kicks when angry can learn to express that anger verbally instead of hurting others. This also will help with learning and following directions, as this skill is essential to comprehend what is being taught to them.
2. Fosters Emotional Wellness: This is a power that I believe every parent wants: a child who is happier, calmer, braver, and less stressed. While processing difficult emotions and increasing wellness takes time, this powerful element of play is essential. Through play, children are able to explore and process scary things, things that make them mad, things that excite them, and ways they want to interact with the world. With proper involvement from a safe adult, you can help guide them through this process in their play. Art therapy for children is an excellent tool within this category, allowing kids to express their feelings and experiences in a creative way.
3. Enhances Social Relationships: Another common complaint I have seen from parents, especially post-COVID, is that children seem to have more difficulty playing with and relating to others in a healthy manner. This skill is key as they develop and explore their relationship with themselves, those around them, and the world. We all want children to grow up to be functional members of society, able to work well with others, so we need to teach them those skills early.
Not only can they learn social skills through play, but their relationship with those around them can deepen and become healthy attachment relationships that help them to feel nurtured and protected. This skill can be especially beneficial with a safe adult joining in their play and modeling healthy social behaviors (think interactions with baby dolls and dollhouses).
4. Increases Personal Strengths: This final power of play encompasses a wide variety of personal skills that will allow your child to be strong and resilient through all stages of development. These benefits include problem solving, resilience, moral development, psychological development, self-regulation, and self-esteem. They are able to explore different themes in play, such as right vs. wrong, being in control, and overcoming barriers. This way of playing is like a trial run for when they face these things in real life!
Get the Most out of Play
If I have sold you on the fact that play is important, the next step is implementing it with strategy to get the most out of these benefits. If your child is needing to process and recover from serious issues such as trauma, you will need to consult a professional and consider taking them in for therapy. We are highly trained to be able to treat a wide variety of issues in our office, so there would be much deeper education required for those instances. However, if you are wanting to take the first steps towards increasing your child’s well being and deepening your relationship, you can do this at home! It is important for children to be able to access a variety of different types of play. For example, consider the difference between structured play vs. unstructured play.
When you are joining in the play with your child, it is okay to set up different games and activities. However, for children to get the full benefit of exploring and processing, they need time where they are in full control of their play. This means that rather than guiding them through the activities, you allow them to tell you what they want to play and how they want to play. You can say things such as, “during this playtime, you get to choose what we do,” and “it looks like you might be interested in the dollhouse, you can show me how you would like me to play with you.” We try to stay away from prompts or questions, but rather reflect and support what the child is exploring.
It is important to have a variety of toys available that allow their creativity to run free. For example, having a few pieces of art supplies, a few options for dress up clothes, a baby doll, a dollhouse, action figures, hula hoops, and a doctor’s kit would all be great options. You don’t need to go and buy all of those items. Look at what you already have and try to remove things like electronics. It is also important to allow them time to play alone and with you or others. All of those benefits mean that they need a variety of opportunities to get the most out of each one.
I recommend allowing children at least an hour of unstructured play time each day, and trying to set aside time weekly where you are joining in an intentional manner. Remember, the power of including a safe adult in play means having healthy modeling of things like social skills, safety to allow them to explore things that might feel scary, and an attachment figure to feel nurtured and protected by.
When to Seek Help
As I previously noted, there are some instances where consulting a professional may be necessary. Children can benefit from seeing a therapist for all reasons, even if it is just preventative. However, many parents choose to seek help after it has become clear that their children have experienced a trauma, are feeling strong depression or anxiety, or are having serious behavioral challenges. If your child is experiencing any of those, or if you are seeing some concerns and would like to prevent them worsening, considering therapy for children can be a great option.
Therapists have undergone the educational and professional process to receive their Master’s degree at minimum, along with continued education and supervision to become fully licensed to practice mental health therapy. Any therapist can provide play therapy services, but Registered Play Therapists (RPT) have gone even further to become specialized in this service. Registered Play Therapists have undergone an additional 2+ years of education and supervision, and have completed rigorous criteria to be approved and registered with the Association of Play Therapy (APT).
If you are considering services for your child, you can reach out to schedule an appointment or a consultation call for more details by contacting sarah.freeman@stillwaterstherapy.org. I am a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Registered Play Therapist, and passionate supporter of play. I am currently accepting new clients and am happy to answer any questions you might have.
Sources: Schaefer, C.E. and Drewes, A.A. (2014) The therapeutic powers of play: 20 core agents of change. Hoboken, NJ: John Wiley & Sons, Inc.
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