I'm back for now :)
Hey guys! It's been a minute. As I've mentioned before, I love to live in tandem with life's ebbs and flows. Those who are in the "influencer role" or those who have a heavy following may believe that they have to be "on" all the time, but I think there is something more special and genuine when things feel inspired and aligned as opposed to forced.
There has been a topic that comes up quite frequently with my clients. My clients often present to me their weaknesses and how they want to change them. But... I naturally come from a strengths based approach. A strength based approach often takes a look at (you guessed it!) a person's strengths! Think of the impact this has on an individual. When you stop looking at all that you believe to be "wrong" and begin to operate from what is "right," a lot changes. I saw this often in working in the foster care field.
My personal tangent...
You can skip this section if you want to avoid a personal story and scroll down if you want to get to the juice, but I like to throw in personal experiences to use as examples. It becomes more tangible and relatable I think. When I worked with children in foster care, I'd get usually what was called a "spec case" or, in other words, a child who has specialized needs. In other other words: they were the identified problem child and it was my job to "fix" them so they could hopefully stay in the foster home (or my job to "fix" the foster parent). Already you can see some issues with this. I want to preface this with the organization I worked for was an continues to be wonderful - it is the field in general which has much to overcome and keep in mind too, we are working with trauma and trauma reactions. In other words -it isn't easy and can be difficult to see the forest through the trees sometimes. It can be hard to overlook angry, mean, scary behavior and define the meaning behind it. So, back to the point - I would sit in these meetings and listen to all that was "wrong." It would seem hopeless. ...Until the question was asked, "what are the strengths? what is going right?" (Shout out to my supervisor who was amazing at this and the biggest support I had when it came to having my back, listening to my concerns, and helping and allowing me to advocate. She's an MVP.) Then all of the sudden, the energy would shift. Suddenly what seemed hopeless seemed tangible and simple.
This is why, many clients are surprised when they work with me -they don't expect my positive regard, they expect my judgement. Things seem hopeless. Forest? What forest. There are only trees! But then, suddenly I point out that what seems to be a weakness, is actually also their greatest strength. Then, suddenly, the forest is in sight and oh, it's so beautiful.
What weaknesses are really your strengths?
You may be asking how can your weakness actually be a strength?
Maybe you struggle with boundaries. You can't say no and people walk all over you.
Maybe you are type A, a perfectionist and this is harming your relationships.
Maybe you describe yourself as bossy and assertive and overstep your bounds and ruffle feathers.
Maybe you have ADHD, and procrastinate and feel lazy much of the time.
Maybe you have been through a lot and don't know what your next steps are.
Or maybe....
You struggle with setting boundaries and saying no because you are kind, empathetic, and don't want to hurt someone's feelings.
Your type A personality helps get things done that others struggle to do. Where others struggle with follow through and planning, you are organized and reliable.
Your bossiness and assertiveness are signs of leadership qualities. And others can rely on you to speak the truth without beating around the bush. (Hey, I relied on people like YOU a lot when it came to being assertive with parents and foster parents in ways I struggled)
Your ADHD gives you other strengths like thinking outside the box, a sense of humor, and/or you're a natural born entrepreneur.
Your history helps you understand others better and provide them a safe space.
Why balance is important.
So, you see, your greatest "weakness" is also your greatest strength. Is is an intrinsic part of who you are and is also why people love you.
That being said, if you are feeling you are operating from your weakness, it is likely because what is actually your strength has become imbalanced.
For example, you struggle setting boundaries and saying no. This is creating resentment because now you feel trapped and taken advantage of. Your kindness was loved and encouraged by others and you wanted to remain kind, so you allowed lines to become blurred for the sake of maintaining a big part of your identity. That's okay - not all is lost. You can still be kind and set boundaries. Trust me!
How to restore balance:
First thing is first, you need to take care of yourself. What are the BASIC needs you are ignoring? How is your sleep and rest? Are you eating properly? Drinking water? Exercising? Start here.
Second, ID what is out of balance for you. What have you been defining as your "weakness." (See below for journal prompts)
Third, what are your strengths? How can your redefine your weakness as a strength?
Next, begin to identify what you need from yourself in order to strike balance. Maybe you need to set boundaries, maybe you need to re-organize, maybe you need to take a day off, or communicate with someone what has been bothering you, or allow yourself to go with the flow.
Finally, get help. Sometimes these issues run deep. Identifying what you need may bring up some fears in you as sometimes these may likely be some core wounds or core fears you need to address. A therapist can help you work through some of your struggles.
Use the journal prompts below to begin for some further introspection.
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